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leela_nightheart
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Name: Jen
Gender: Female
Interests: amtgard, anime, role playing games, writing, reading, violin, music, learning new languages, poetry, many other things.
Expertise: Violin, or at least I'd like to consider myself an expert. I've been playing for over 10 years now and I still find it an enriching experience. Though I don't mind playing classical, I usually tend to play Irish fiddle music when I don't have a concert that I need to be practicing for.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/19/2005
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| ComplicatedSo. I haven't written in a while, but I just completed a 5th year of college. I've got one more semester to go. Student teaching sounds so scary sometimes. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I'm not sure I know how I'm going to do anything. I have so much to do in the next two weeks.
I need to get a place to live, a job to pay for that place to live, as well as other important things to living like food. I also need to take my driver's test now that I'm comfortable-ish with. I should really look into life insurance so that, God forbid anything happen to me, my parents will have something to help them with my students loans. That's another thing, I'm unsure of how i'm going to deal with that fiasco when that starts coming due. *sighs*
Life is so complicated. Why has human society deemed it necessary to make life so freakin' complicated. Things could be so much simpler... but nope, no one can ever do anything the easy way. *Grrr*
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| The Battousai Has ArrivedIf I were to actually be my amtgard character my eyes would have turned silver and remained that way for most of the day. First off my carpal tunnel was aggrevated this morning and then at 4pm I get a phone call from my mom that my cousin Wesley died of an annurysm (sp). I mean I'm glad he's no longer in any pain which makes me happy for him but at the same time it came out of no where. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He was still young; only 34ish. So I was trying to collect myself to do my homework that I need to still finish when a friend of mine started having problems with her boyfriend and was freaking out because he's become stalkerish. I had to try to reassure her that she'll be fine.
Then House happened. I was already in a bad mood, finally starting to unstress from senior seminar. Krystal called me a bitch and then we apologized and made up so we're good. Then I went back to house because we were trying to organize housing. Found out that even though Colleen has decided she can't afford Ripon she still hasn't withdrawn from campus which fucked over a lot of people in housing. I'm not upset with Matt at all. He has every right to take a double single. I'm not even that upset with Colleen for not withdrawing in case she wasn't going to come back, but she should have warned people that it was possible she might not be leaving. No, what I AM upset with her and Cyndi for is that they were laughing about the situation when some of us are getting royally screwed over.
What this boiled down to is that my carpal tunnel is acting up at the worst possible second, i've still got homework to do, my eldest cousin just passed away suddenly, a friend is worried about here boyfriend being a creepy stalker, and I screwed out of my double single because someone was not responsible enough to go make the decision when it needed to be made so that others would know what's going on and not get blindsided by everything going on. All I can say is thank the Great Being and Creator, be it a he or she, be it God, Mother Goddess, or some other name, for Ed. | | |
| Low down on new shit in my life.Alright here goes.
I'm a senior in college. Fuck Yea!... oh wait that means I have crap loads of work that lead up to an enormously mind boggling project for my major. Dammit....
this last summer was interesting, dated kelsey for a while, that didn't pan out, like all others I'd had before... surprise surprise.
Though... there is hope, I'm now dating Ed. That only started only a few days ago so I don't really have all that much to say yet. He and I have a lot in common though. Particularly our love of Gaming. Though he's also and English major and Education minor, with theater minor as well. I've only been a few theater classes and the costume shop, but it was enough to make me kind of regret not starting a theater minor sooner. *shrugs* I could always go back at some point... maybe.
I'm an aunt now. My 19 year old sister had a little girl two months ago. She looks like a cabbage patch doll to me, but she's a cutie.
Um... not sure what else to talk about at the moment. My thoughts are kind disjointed because of working on my sem project all day and then all the stressful shit going on with a friend of mine. I hope she's alright.
I'll have to type more after the sem paper is done.... maybe.
yeah....
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| headachesSo looking around Oshkosh, there is not only like nothing to do but sit around home watching TV, playing video games, and what not. Or the occassionally outing to the movie theatre, there are apparently no jobs that people are willing to hire me for. *sighs* I'm getting headaches everyday and I'm not exactly sure what from; stress I guess.
I'm stressed out about not having enough money. Which is a common concern among most adults. And considering where I live I have more growing concerns. Obviously the raisng gas prices aren't helping anyone's mood of late and now the governor wants to raise our taxes even more. Raising the tax on heath care, on hunting and fishing licenses, on alcohol and cigarettes (which I don't mind the latter of the two since i don't smoke and think its a filthy habit) Oh and get this he wants to raise the taxes on College Applications, didn't even know such a thing existed, but since they tax everything in our lives from cradle to grave why should it surprise me.
Seriously, what good are these raises in taxes going to do the State? The deficiet is only going to get bigger, and the need to raise them again will soon rear its ugly head again. its a vicious cycle. You know why I think this is? We are allowing politicians to run the state, who are supposed to have their heads on their shoulders and know what they are doing. but really, how many of them do you think have Business degrees? How are they supposed to run an entire state or the country for that matter if they would run a small business into the ground? *sighs*
I'm stressed out because I'm not sure anymore if i'm on the right career path for me. I'm not entirely sure I want to be a teacher, yet what I want to do takes an awful lot of talent and a great deal of luck to pull off. If i was as great a writer as J.K. Rowling I would have started publishing my books and that would be the end of it. I wouldn't have to work, I'd invest the money and live off the interest and eventually set my parents up so that dad could retire and my younger sisters would be able to go to college for whatever they want. But, that's all just nice dreaming. Don't think it would ever happen for me. Like I said you've gotta have a lot of talent and a great deal of luck.
For now i'm staying on this career path, yet I have to fork out extra money for a test i have to retake before I can take my area certifaction test which will cost even more money. No wonder I've got headaches like everyday.
Though is it so wrong to want to enjoy life while I can? I won't be young forever. Carpe Diem comes to mind at the moment. Yet in my life its hard to seize the day the way I want to. For me it means get on the ball, get a job, make as much money as you can. That's just want it means because of the way society wants it mean for me. Really Seize the day should be get out and have fun with life because you only get one. Take hold of the moments that come by and embrace them for what they are. Now getting stuck in a dead end job, even just for the summer, doesn't sound like Seizing the Day to me.
I don't know, maybe i'm just selfish to think that life should be easy. Well you know? it should be, we as a society are making it harder on ourselves and on each other. We fight and bicker with little provocation. Marriages break up almost as quickly as they start. The richer are getting richer and the poorer are getting poorer, that gap has always been there, but i can almost feel it and its getting bigger. And there are so many more wrong things in the world than there are right. It makes me want to punch something, it makes me want to scream, and run, and cry out in frustration and anger, at the top of my lungs, WHY?!
And i know it will make no difference if I do. I'd be listed as crazy and shipped off to some mental institute. because there's something wrong with me. Because something must be wrong with me to act like that. Yeah what's wrong is that I'm sick and tired of all the bullshit we put each other through. of all the lies, the cheating, the anger, the jealousy, the selfishness. I'm just fucking tired.
I'm surprised more people don't have headaches everyday. | | |
| "The Everyday Demon"Another poem i wrote, though I don't have a date for it, I know I wrote it at some point during 2005.
Its the beast beneath the skin
laying dormant deep within.
Its the ghoul that lies in wait
building strength to smash the gate.
Its the monster in your mind
using everything it can find.
Its an evil within us all,
just aiming to make us fall.
Its the ogre that causes us pain
though we know it can be slain.
Anger is this everyday demon we must face
and there are no prizes for second place. | | |
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What color green are you?
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You Are Emerald Green
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Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.
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